Running Scarred Page 10

  More of her hair had come loose from her clip and it wafted about her face. She dragged it back and tugged it roughly into place, her fingers becoming entangled in the long vibrant stands. She gasped in pain and frustration and then suddenly she was tugging her hair hard, not caring as the soft strands pulled away from her scalp and drifted to the floor.

  Tears began streaming down her face.

  “Don’t say anything to me Patrick! Don’t speak to me ever again! Every time I hear your voice it just makes everything worse!” She shouted into the quiet evening, her anguish obvious.

  She was sobbing uncontrollably as Patrick, unable to bear her distress, caught hold of her fingers. He wrapped his hand around hers and stopped her tearing anymore hair from her head. Then he pulled her hand down to her side. He didn’t understand what she was saying. How could he make anything worse for her? She must be talking about the scaffolding.

  “Stop it Ellen. Stop this now. You’re exhausted and obviously not thinking straight. Leave all this to Sylvan and go to bed.” His tone was gentle and he massaged her hand with his own. It was so small and soft, his hand felt huge and calloused around it.

  “I can’t!” She shouted again, nearly hysterical now, as she wrenched her hand out of his. “I have to get it done. He’ll lose his next contract if I don’t do it. I can’t let that happen. I’ve only just got the town on my side. I can’t ruin it all by letting down one of their biggest employers.” She was swaying and, as she stepped sideways to move round him, she stumbled. Her foot caught on the uneven soil and she went sprawling towards the ground.

  Patrick lurched to catch her, but he was off balance and his leg moved unevenly. He missed, his arms flailing hopelessly as she crashed into the pile of scaffolding.

  She let out a pained cry as she rolled off the pile and slithered down onto the rough grass.

  He regained his balance at last and shouted angrily.

  “Ellen! Right, that’s it! You just listen to me. You’re going to bed right now before you kill yourself.” He marched up to her and began to pull her up from the floor, but it was obvious her legs were not going to carry her. Her whole body drooped with exhaustion and before she could protest, he had scooped her up behind the knees, pulled her body into his chest and walked up the stone steps, carrying her into the Chateau.

  “Where are you sleeping?” He asked as her head fell against his chest.

  She breathed in his scent, unable to believe that she was at last in his arms. Even though it didn’t mean anything to him, it was more than enough for her.

  “Over there.” She mumbled as she gave in and nodded to her right. He pushed through a makeshift curtain slung over a doorway, and into her bedroom. He looked aghast at the sleeping bag rolled out on the hard floor.

  He stopped dead inside the doorway, staring at the bare floorboards, the loose material hung at the window.

  “Is this where you’ve been sleeping for the last two months?” He didn’t put her down as she nodded gently against his body. She could feel the hardness of his muscles clamped around her, and then knowing that he would soon be gone again, it became more than she could bear. She wriggled and tried to release herself from his grasp. His muscles contracted harder as he held her even tighter. “You can’t stay here.” He stated flatly.

  “I’ll be fine. I’m just so tired. Put me down.” Her voice was almost a whisper.

  “Not a chance, you need a proper bed.” He spoke with finality, turned swiftly out of the room and back out of the Chateau.

  “What are you doing? Patrick, put me down.” She protested, her voice weak. He ignored her pleas and marched back along the forest path as she struggled feebly in his arms.

  It was hopeless. She was too exhausted to break his iron grasp. She stopped fighting him and relaxed at last.

  She was so light in his arms that she barely registered as there. Her head fell back after less than a minute of his steady pace and he looked down at her now sleeping form, noticing for the first time how her cheekbones were so prominent in her perfect face and how he could feel her ribs through her t-shirt.

  He shouldered his way through the front door, glad that he never bothered locking it and then straight on into his bedroom. He pulled back the covers with one hand and laid her down gently. She didn’t stir at all. He pulled her boots from her feet and she curled in sideways. She looked tiny in his bed. He stared at her sleeping figure for a few seconds, wishing that she were there under very different circumstances, then he pulled his quilt over her, closed the door quietly and trudged out of his house and back up to the Chateau.

  Chapter Six

  Ellen snuggled into the plump pillow. It was so soft, so comfortable and it smelt so delicious. She breathed in deeply, taking in the wonderful smell and was about to snuggle into it again when she realized what she was doing. She opened her eyes in shock.

  She launched herself forwards and then brought her hands to her head as a multitude of stars exploded in her brain. She had sat up too fast.

  She closed her eyes again and listened to her pounding heart. She knew immediately where she was. She could smell him all around her. She felt down her body, not sure if she was relieved that she was alone and still fully clothed. She pushed her hair away from her face, opened her eyes again and cast them across the bed. The stars were still all around her and she realized that they weren’t in her head, but coming from her clip that was lying on the dressing table. She reached out, picked it up, twisted her hair into a knot, and clipped it. Then she looked around the small but beautiful bedroom.

  The bed was huge, taking up most of the available space. What looked like a handmade quilt was turned over at the bottom of the bed. The surface of the dressing table was clean and shining. There was a small bottle of scent at one side. The shape of the bottle was unusual. It was engraved with wild swirling patterns. She looked a little closer. Penhaligons perhaps? She wasn’t sure, the sun was shining too brightly onto it. She sat back for a moment trying to think.

  What in God’s name was she doing here? The last thing she could remember was Patrick moaning about the parcel of land that she was giving him. She stared out of the window, trying to remember anything else and then she realized that the sun was shining in from the wrong side of the house. It wasn’t evening. It was morning. She had been there all night!

  She groaned as it all came flooding back to her. And then she remembered the scaffolding.

  She gasped in dismay and swung her legs out of the huge bed. She was about to stand up when there was a gentle knock on the door. Patrick came in holding two mugs of tea in his hands.

  “I thought I heard you stir. I didn’t put any sugar in it. Sorry, I don’t take it myself and there’s none in the house.” He sat on the bed beside her.

  She looked over at him and took the proffered mug.

  “Thanks. It’s fine. I don’t take sugar either.” She sipped the steaming liquid gratefully. They were silent for a few seconds then she stood up. “Thanks for letting me get a decent night’s sleep. I obviously needed it…I have to go. I must apologise to Sylvan about the scaffolding. I’ll just have to pay his extra fees.” She put the mug on the dressing table.

  “Sylvan left hours ago. It’s nearly twelve.” Patrick sipped more of his tea.

  “Oh no! I bet he was as mad as hell. Why did you let me sleep so long?” She slumped back onto the bed.

  The unscarred corner of Patrick’s mouth twitched in a small smile.

  “Actually he was quite happy. I loaded most of the rest of the scaffolding last night after I’d got you tucked up in here. You’d never have managed it. I’m way tougher than you and it took me until nearly four this morning.” He looked down at her obviously pleased with himself.

  Her mouth fell open.

  “You loaded the truck for me? Why?” She was completely taken aback. She didn’t think he’d wanted to have anything to do with her or her project.

  He shrugged.

  “Because you wer
e going to kill yourself doing it. You were completely out of it when I brought you back here last night Ellen.” He paused for a moment, looking at her carefully. “Why don’t you have a real bed up there? You obviously haven’t slept properly for months, it’s no wonder you’re so exhausted.” He was staring at her, his blue eyes deeply concerned.

  She wrapped her hands back around the mug, just to give herself something to do. He was so close, it was difficult not to reach out and touch him. She wanted to grab hold of him and pull him close, she wanted to run her fingers through his long, dark hair, she wanted to feel his body on hers. Instead, she held onto the mug, gripping it as though her life depended on it.

  “I just didn’t get round to it yet. I have to keep moving my room about, depending on where I’m working in the Chateau. It just seemed easier to throw down a sleeping bag. It’s fine. I used to go camping all the time when I was younger.” She tried not to look at the horribly comfortable bed on which she was sitting.

  He snorted dismissively.

  “Not for months at a time though. Even the army doesn’t expect you to do that. It’s too knackering.”

  She lifted her shoulders.

  “It’s not as though I had much choice. The hotel didn’t want me as their guest after they saw what I was doing and I couldn’t be far away. I’m managing this project by myself and I have to be on site all the time. If I’m not there, absolutely nothing gets done. The men hate taking orders from a woman and what with their working times! I had no idea that the French work such short hours. Half the time I feel as though they only work three days a week. Honestly Patrick, it’s been a nightmare and I haven’t even started on the inside.” Talking about the Chateau made her feel safe enough to put her mug down again. She reached for her boots.

  Patrick lowered his gaze guiltily.

  “I am so sorry Ellen. I’ve been an absolute idiot. You must hate me for making things even more difficult for you.” He picked up the empty mugs and walked back out of the room, unable to meet her eyes.

  She left her boots beside the bed and followed him closely, pleased that they now seemed to be able to hold some sort of conversation.

  “Forget it. You weren’t the only one to object to the proposal. It was probably as much my fault as anyone’s. I should have been more open about it, but I wanted to keep it to myself until I was sure I could do it.”

  He turned to look at her for a moment.

  “You should have told me, Ellen.”

  She laughed half-heartedly, thinking of the times he had ignored her calls.

  “And just how would I have done that? You have been avoiding me like the plague since I first viewed the place. I’ve only seen you once in nearly three months and then you completely blanked me.”

  He stammered, more embarrassed than he cared to admit.

  “I…I was busy. I had a lot to do.”

  “Like what Patrick?” She scoffed.

  He fiddled with some wood by the stove and didn’t meet her gaze. And then suddenly he gave a great sigh.

  “Like avoiding you, for one. Actually avoiding you, full stop.” He confessed at last, busying himself with the stove again, wishing she wasn’t so close to him.

  “Why? Why do you want to avoid me? What have I done to you?” She spoke so quietly he looked over to her.

  And then he gave up trying to hide it. He couldn’t conceal his feelings any longer. He didn’t know whether she would understand his true meaning, but he had to tell her something. He would just have to take the pain of rejection.

  “You haven’t done anything.” His voice was agonized. “It’s just me. I can’t be near you. Last night, knowing you were lying in my bed, was nearly killing me. It’s just as well I spent most of the night loading that lorry.” He shook his head. “I can’t have you close to me Ellen, it’s too painful.” He swallowed noisily and the pulse in his throat started to pound.

  Ellen creased her brow in confusion.

  “I don’t understand Patrick. How do I hurt you? I wouldn’t hurt you ever.” She looked down at the floor, unable to bear looking into his eyes.

  He risked putting his hand under her chin and lifting it gently. She had to understand how he felt. He couldn’t disguise it any longer. Her eyes met his.

  “Don’t you see Ellen? Can’t you see how much these scars hurt me? They have ruined my life. Everything that I’d known before ended in less than a second. Everything. To have someone as beautiful as you see what I’ve become just makes it all so much worse.” He was whispering now and his whole body was very still.

  She was confused for a few seconds and then she saw the smouldering in his eyes. It was as though a curtain had been swished away. Her heart broke and she wanted to cry for him.

  “But they’re only scars Patrick. They will fade. I don’t even notice them.” Her voice was cracking, her lips trembling. She sounded as desolate as he felt.

  He glared down at her. Was she mocking him? A tidal wave of fury welled up in him.

  “Fade! How the hell does having no leg fade? How do you get rid of burns like these?” His head came up and he was shouting now. “Every single morning I get up, look in the mirror and I pray, I pray so hard, that they’ll be gone, that it was all some sort of freaky nightmare, but there’s always this grotesque character staring back at me. Someone I don’t recognize, someone I don’t even know. It feels as though the real me doesn’t exist anymore. How the hell can you not notice scars like these? You’re just pretending they’re not there Ellen! They’ll never go and I can’t ignore them. Oh! I don’t care anymore. I just don’t care! Look at them, see for yourself how repulsive I am!” He was tugging his shirt from his waistband. He pulled at the buttons savagely and ripped the fabric from his shoulders. He stood naked to the waist, not looking at her, breathing hard.

  She looked up at his glorious body. His right shoulder and side were perfect. Tanned and firm and defined, ripples of hard muscle spreading from his neck, across his shoulder, over his chest and down onto his flat stomach.

  His left side was in tatters. The scars that covered this side of his face just touched the corner of his mouth, then crept down over his neck. There were deep red hollows across his left shoulder and chunks of muscle missing from his arm and then a cruel spider’s web of lumpy marks trailing over his wide chest, fading slightly as they reached his waistline. She stepped closer to him and reached her hand up to touch his mutilated skin.

  He moved fast and grabbed it before she could lay a finger on him.

  “Don’t!” He snarled at her and her eyes flicked up to his face. She moved in closer, unafraid of him now, his hand still tightly over hers.

  And then before he was able to stop her she leaned in, laid her satin cheek gently on his bare chest and listened to his thundering heart.

  “I don’t see the scars Patrick.” She whispered, her lips just touching his fevered skin. “I see only you. I want only you.” Her breath was moist and warm on his flesh.

  He dropped her hand as if he’d been electrocuted and moved away quickly. His control was at breaking point.

  “Don’t lie to me Ellen. I know the truth, I’m repulsive. You can’t want me, so don’t try and make me think you do. It hurts too much. My own wife left me as soon as she saw me like this, she was so appalled, so don’t tell me you see anything different.” His words were full of bitterness. He bent to pick up his shirt, but Ellen was there first. She grabbed it from the floor, flung it behind her and stood defiantly in front of him.

  And then she tugged at the bottom of her t-shirt and lifted it over her head. She threw it to land on top of his shirt.

  He gasped and then groaned deeply as she put her hands behind her back and unclasped her bra.

  He couldn’t take his eyes off her as the wisp of delicate material fell from her shoulders.

  Her breasts were high and firm, her nipples rosy and tight against her milk white skin.

  She stretched forwards, caught hold of his hand and brought
it to her lips. Her kisses felt as soft as feathers against his skin. Then she placed his hand gently over her breast.

  The feel of her soft, tender flesh within his palm finished him. He could hold back no longer. He pulled in a deep, ragged breath as he massaged her breast, letting his thumb stroke her tightening nipple.

  “Why are you doing this to me? It’s hard enough for me to just be with you, without you doing this as well.” He gasped out the words.

  She smiled gently and looked down at his hand. She groaned as her nipple peaked against his skin. Then spoke breathlessly.

  “Because now I know what this is all about. At last. I want you Patrick. I wanted you from the moment you first spoke to me. It was no lie, and I know you want me too.”

  She began to undo her jeans and he just stood there staring helplessly at her as they slithered to the floor. Then she stepped out of them and moved even closer to him. She reached out and began to unfasten his belt. She pushed his trousers past the cup on his leg, onto the floor, then she took his hand in hers and led him silently back to his bedroom.

  They lay spent and gasping, the roar of his agonized release still ringing in her ears as the sheets tangled around them. Their perspiration was drying on their naked bodies. He was still on top of her, still deep inside her, and they were both still breathing hard.

  Patrick pressed his forehead into her shoulder, barely able to comprehend what had just happened. It had been over in minutes, both too frantic with pent up desire to think about making it last. But it had been the most intense few minutes of his entire life. Her hair had come out of the clip again and he could feel it covering his face. He could hear the rapid thumping of her heart. He bent a little further and caught her nipple between his lips. It tightened instantly. He swirled his tongue over the hard bud and listened to Ellen moan in pleasure.

  He had never felt emotions like this in his whole life. He lay there, bathed in a glow of complete satisfaction, in a wave of glory so intense he wanted to shout for joy. He felt her move slightly under his weight and he lifted his head to look at her beautiful face.